‘Mind The Gap’: Why We Need To Close The Orgasm Gap.
.Happy Tuesday guys and gals. As you know, here on my blog I do not shy away from awkward or taboo topics. We talk about vaginas, periods, libido – anything and everything! Anyway, today I wanted to talk about another topic that does not receive enough attention – The Orgasm Gap. What is the orgasm gap I hear you ask? Well, let’s look to the 2009 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behaviour shall we? In 2009 the survey revealed
that men are more likely to orgasm than women – tell us something we don’t know!
Statistics have varied a lot, with one study revealing that 91 percent of men and only 39 percent of women always or usually orgasm during sexual encounters. Others have been a little more optimistic but the long and short of it is straight women are not having as many orgasms as they should. Not only is there a gap in how often women are having orgasms but there is also a huge gap between male perceptions and reality (again, this is no surprise really is it?). Eighty-five percent of men said their partners in their recent sexual encounter had reached climax – a far higher than the percentage of women who said they orgasmed. Awkward.
So why is it happening and what can we do about it?
The female orgasm. Type it into google and you will see 100’s of articles trying to justify why the gap exists. The female orgasm is an elusive phenomena that is difficult to achieve – don’t worry lads, it’s not your fault. Hmm, really? It’s easy to fob it off as a near impossible task for men, however, one study revealed that when masturbating, 95 percent of women reach orgasm easily and within minutes. Looks like you’re going to have to up your game boys. The orgasm is not elusive for a woman when she is on her own. Nor is it elusive when two women are together as research has shown that lesbians are more likely to orgasm that heterosexual women, with up to 86 percent of lesbian women reporting orgasms during every sexual encounter. So why are heterosexual women missing out?
When I think about the pretty pathetic sex education that was provided to me at school, it really does not surprise me that the orgasm gap exists. Back in the day (when I say ‘the day’, I mean pre-Enlightenment days – yes, I did a history degree) it was believed that for a child to be conceived both the man and the woman had to reach their climax. Now I sadly don’t have any statistics for early modern female orgasms, but I can imagine they were a lot higher than now. In our current education system, pleasure takes a back seat, especially for the woman. Sex education completely ignores the clitoris, teaching only about women’s internal organs. We therefore have to look elsewhere for sex education and we all now that these other sources are not exactly the most accurate and would definitely not be AQA approved.
It is therefore assumed that a couple of thrusts and a woman will be on cloud nine, which is really not the case. You can’t just shove a penis in there and hope for the best. The is an incredible short sighted approach to intercourse. The mentality of ‘scoring’ when you have sexual intercourse gives to false idea that intercourse is the best way for both parties to be pleasured. This is so far from the truth. Remember that scene in FRIENDS where Monica teaches Chandler about the 7 (yep, 7!) pleasure points on a woman? Slow and steady wins the race guys. Learn from Monica, she knows what she’s talking about.
The main problem is that the conversation is deemed as taboo, however, it is such an important conversation to have and we need to begin closing the gap. Female masturbation is not discussed nearly as openly as male masturbation. Yes, we have seen an increase in women openly talking about their sexual needs in recent years but the truth it, female masturbation is still something that is frowned up. We don’t talk about it and therefore it follows that we do not have to see it as important. By not having the conversation we are undermining the female need for pleasure.
Closing the orgasm gap is important for equal access to pleasure. Sexual pleasure is about more than having an orgasm, it is a empowering symbol of appreciation and respect and allows for better communication. The lack of education is merely reinforcing gender stereotypes about female passivity and it is not healthy. We therefore need to close the orgasm gap, not only for equality in the bedroom but equality in all aspects of life.